i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
home. puking in laundry basket.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
