tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
