I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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