just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
