Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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