if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
