the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
