So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
