Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
