She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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