she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
