I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
