He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
