A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
