He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
