wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
