this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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