i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
