Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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