K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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