Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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