i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
