I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
