she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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