On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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