Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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