drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
