Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
