that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
