So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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