So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
