something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
