For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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