Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
