So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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