So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
