Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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