Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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