Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
