so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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