My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
