I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
