I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
