oh god the rape fog is back!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
