She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
