My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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