Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
