he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
