He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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