there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
