Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
