Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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