my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
