I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
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By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize