i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize