do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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