hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
