isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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