who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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