i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
