I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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