thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
