Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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