he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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