OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
