Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
