he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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